Thursday 4/11/24 Biopsy

 Been a minute since I last posted. And nothing much is going on. I'm pretty damn boring. 

I had my biopsy done this past Tuesday and, well, it was pretty violent. No, seriously, it was. I was numbed up really well so I didn't feel anything but pressure. I had my head turned to the left as the biopsy was on the right side. Which means I could see the ultrasound. And I could see the needle being jammed in and out of my lymph node over and over again, just . . . repeatedly. Then the doc would take the needle out, pass it to a lab tech, and go back at it with a new needle. He did this for 4 needles. It looked so barbaric!! Thank GOD I was so numb!! My neck is so sore now. Luckily, I didn't bruise. My preliminary report came back with "normal morphology not consistent with lymphoma". So I'm guessing that's a good thing. I just have an enlarged lymph node for no good reason. I'm special like that. 

On the weight loss front, last night was my fourth injection, three weeks of tracking my weight loss, and I've lost 7 pounds. Just over 2 pounds a week. Not too shabby. I'm hoping this rate keeps up. I've had to find a happy medium between eating and feeling queasy. And also not feeling light headed. I don't really have an appetite and if I eat too much, or too frequently, I get queasy. But if I don't eat enough I feel weak and light headed. I haven't had much energy for exercise and, truth be told, I've felt pretty exhausted. The exhaustion may be a coincidence as I haven't been sleeping great for a few nights here and there, or maybe it's the decreased caloric intake. I'm not sure. Or a combo of the both, which seems pretty likely. 

I'm on my own as a charge nurse and I have no confidence in my abilities. Zero. I feel like an imposter. I'm sure as I do it more my confidence will build, but as of right now, I'm a fraud. I'm charge 2 days next week, like, literally throw me to the wolves. Hopefully I'll be fine. Hopefully they won't be shit days. I'm hoping I have time to build my confidence before I have a shit day. But you never can tell in nursing. 

Anyway, that's all really. Told you I was boring. 

Monday 3/25/24 Cold Again

 It's cold again here in Colorado. We had a big snow about a week, week and a half ago, then it got warm and it all melted. Well, now it's cold again. That's spring in Colorado though. I'm so ready for warmth and sunshine. I neeeeeeeed it!

Sooooo, what's been going on. Not a whole lot. I've had 2 days of charge nurse training (I have one more to go) and then I'm on my own. Work has been busy, annoyingly so. But that's job security I guess. I've worked every Sunday this month and I work Easter as well. Which is lame. Oh well. 

I had my physical a couple of weeks ago and two things happened: 1. my doc found a lump in my throat which she thought was a thyroid nodule. Had an ultrasound done and no, it's an enlarged lymph node. Which is apparently way too big, so I get to have it biposied. Fun times. And, 2. I started a weight loss medication. It's a once a week injectable (not Ozempic). I did my first injection last Wednesday. Thursday and Friday I was pretty nauseous, which is a common side effect of the medication. Which, of course, makes one not want to eat. After the nausea passed, however, I still don't want to eat. No appetite. And if I eat too much I get nauseous. And that, my friends, is how the medication works. You eat a whole lot less and don't really feel hungry. I decided to try the medication because I'm failing on my own at losing weight. I'm eating pretty healthy, a lot of whole foods, and working out and I'm either staying the same or actually gaining a pound or two. It's been frustrating. I'd like to lose anywhere from 40-60 pounds. I'm going to be weighing myself on Tuesdays and Fridays. Hopefully this helps. 

On a side note, in therapy we're working on my self-esteem/self-image and developing a healthy body image. My therapist isn't so sure that going on a weight loss drug is good for my self image. Because, what if it doesn't work? I'll blame myself, my self esteem will drop, I'll feel worse about myself, beat myself up, etc. I get where's she's coming from, I do. But, realistically, I need to lose weight. For my health, for my peace of mind, for my future mobility, for lots of reasons. So I'm taking the medication. And we'll go from there. I don't see her again for five and a half weeks or so and I'm hoping to have lost at least 10 pounds by then. That's 2 pounds a week - not so far fetched in my opinion. That's healthy weight loss. I'm going to keep eating healthy and working out, doing my part in the weight loss journey. Because I'm going to need to do that to keep off the weight after I stop the medication (I have 5 months of refills). 

So yeah. Hopefully I'll get used to the nausea (I've heard you do). I have ginger lozenges and tea to help me through it. And hopefully I'll lose weight. Fingers crossed. That's about all. Toodles! 

Friday 3/8/24 Charge Nurse

 Hi all! Two posts in one week, weird!

Just stopping by to say that I am officially the new relief charge nurse on my unit! Yep, I got the position (so the interview must have gone well!). I'll start my training in a week or two. 

Also, Ayden is 17 today! Happy birthday bud! He's at school (bummer) and heading to a friend's house after to spend the night with several friends. We're supplying pizza. 

That's it! Toodle loo!

Monday 3/4/24

 Been a minute again since I last wrote. I haven't been doing all that much. At least anything exciting. I've been reading and enjoying the mild weather here, working, and doing yoga. I have my interview for the charge nurse position this Wednesday. I'm a little nervous, but this afternoon I'm going to "practice" answering questions to prepare myself. I'm sure I'll do fine. Everyone else seems to think I will. 

The only other big news is that my son is turning 17 on Friday. Holy crap!! Seventeen! Where does the time go? He's spending the night at a friend's house on Friday, I don't know what else he wants to do. His girlfriend was supposed to be down this weekend to see him (she lives in Montrose - about 4 hours from us) but I guess she's coming the following week instead. So we'll have to come up with something to do for him. 

I've hit a dry spell art wise, haven't really drawn anything for the past couple of weeks except for a tattoo concept that I want to get on the side of my left forearm. It's a unalome with a lotus flower.

 I need to work a couple overtime shifts to earn some extra money so I can convince hubby to let me get another tattoo. We'll see when that happens. But yeah - that's the only thing I've drawn for quite a while. I was hoping inspiration would hit me today but so far I got nothing. Boooooo. Guess I'll scroll Pinterest looking for ideas. 

Anyway, that's it for now. Wish me luck on my interview!

Thursday 2/22/24

It's been a bit since I last wrote. At least it feels that way. 

Anyway, I'm happy to say that I've been working out consistently for the past 2-3 weeks. Go me! It feels so good! And I'm back to doing yoga which I really, truly LOVE. I'm not the best at it, not terribly graceful, but that's okay. I'll get there in time with practice. It just feels so good to move my body. I do yoga with Adriene (she's on youtube) and am also using the Asana Rebel app. The Asana Rebel app kicks my ass, in the best way possible. I know it's making me stronger. 

I'm also really itching to get a new tattoo. I have ideas for 2 tats I want, that can probably be done in the same session (they are smol). I just need to convince hubby that I need them. Wish me luck there :D

I "applied" to be a charge nurse at work again. I did it many years ago and then stepped down because of my mental health. I've been doing so much better for a while now so I think it's time to do it again. We'll see. I have to actually interview for it and I haven't done an interview since I started working at the birth center 16 years ago. So that's nerve wracking. Everyone is telling me I'll do fine. I'm not so sure. I should find out next week when the interview is. Wish me luck on that as well. 

Friday 2/9/24 Nothing special

 So I felt like writing, but I don't have much to say. I actually feel a little down today. There are reasons for this. I'm on call this afternoon and most likely I'll be going in to work. Bummer. I managed to hurt my back somehow (I have no idea how) and didn't work out today because of that (I can barely bend over). I've taken ibuprofen, had a hot shower, stretched, and am going to sit in our massage chair . . . but nothing is helping thus far. And it's snowing. Again. I'm tired of the snow. I want sunshine and warmth. We've had some nice days here and there and I've taken advantage of them by going on walks and sitting on the deck. The snow just kind of brings my mood down. It's pretty, but I want the sun. 

Wow, I guess I really don't have anything else to say. Life is boring right now. I go to work and relax on my days off. I'm tired of work and would love some time off, but I'm trying to save up my PTO. We're hoping to go to Japan again in 1-2 years, and, well, I'm going to need PTO to do that. 

Anyway, I guess that's it. Okay bye!

Tuesday 1/30/24 This is Nice

 Been a minute since I last wrote. I've been enjoying my time with no school work. It's so nice. I have time to draw and paint and read, to work out and nap, to relax. It's just so freaking nice. Guess I didn't realize how much I need those things in my life until I couldn't do them anymore. 

Last post I mentioned that I had homework for therapy. So I did 3 self portraits. I'm pleased with how they turned out. I need to scan them into the computer and maybe I'll share them here. We'll see. But I got them done, I've painted dragons (2024 is the year of the dragon), and today I'm painting koi fish. I'm also going to spend the afternoon sitting on the deck and reading (it's supposed to be 60 degrees here today). I've read 2 books over the past week and a half, Wabi Sabi and Ikigai (both books on living imperfectly and finding meaning in your life based on Japanese principles). The book I'm currently reading is on Buddhism and I ordered another book on Buddhism to read after this one. They all have been good reads, interesting and calming. I'm thoroughly enjoying myself.

Also I've been working out consistently these past 2 weeks. Three days a week. A good start. I'm proud of myself for that. And it feels good to be doing it as well, an added bonus. And I started a program called Golo. It's a lifestyle changing, weight loss program. I'll be eating more whole foods and less junk/processed foods. Which - lets be honest - we all should be doing this anyway. They have a supplement to take as well that is supposed to help with cravings and help balance blood sugar and insulin levels. I'm optimistic. Mainly because I'll be eating healthier, which will be good for my anyway. Hopefully eating cleaner and working out will help me drop some weight and be overall healthier (I know it will). I have to work on binge eating junk at work - especially on busy/stressful days. I tend to go overboard there. If there's junk out, I'll eat it. I've been doing hypnosis to help with this and I've been doing better. Go me. 

Work has been work. Yesterday was slow as hell and was the longest day ever. Tomorrow will be a shit show because the doctors decided it was a good idea to schedule EVERYTHING for the week on one day. Fucking stupid. But I'll get through. I'd love to have a week off with no work. Not necessarily to do anything, but just to not have to go to work. That would be nice. 

That's what's been up. Nothing exciting. Moods have been steady, no ups or downs, just an even keel. Which is also nice. 

Toodle loo!